I am writing a book about how to help a loved one who is diagnosed with depression. One chapter will be from the depressed person's point of view..."What we want our loved ones to know about how we feel". Another chapter will be from the caregiver's view... "Tips and feelings on taking care of a loved one with depression." Any responses will be GREATLY appreciated.
Thank you,
Jody Ehrhardt
jodyehrhardt@aol.com

Jode,

I suffer from depression and am taking meds to control it. However, if I 'forget' to take them for as little as one day the people around me notice it. If I 'forget' to take it for 2-3 days (mainly 3) I notice it. My oldest daughter also suffers from a mild depression that affects her on a daily basis though I do not have her on meds. I want her to learn to try to control it without them (as it is not debilitating for her).
I would love to help you with your research on both aspects. I am open to discussing it in the open here in the forum where others may benefit or by e-mail if you prefer. Just leave me a message if you would prefer e-mails.
I look forward to hearing from you.

Bonnie

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Bonnie,
Thank you for your reply. I would love to chat with you about some different topics. I do not mind chatting here if you don't but some of my questions might require long reponses!
My email is jodyehrhardt@aol.com if you choose to answer that way.
1). What do you wish people around you understood about your depression and feelings? Like if you could tell them a few things that would help them interact with you better, what would they be?
2) What frustrates you the most in caring for someone who suffers from depression?
3). What is something that someone has done for you while you were "down" that really worked to help you or that made the biggest impression on you?
4). Can you describe how you feel on your worst days?
Thank you again for your answers. I want to make this book as comprehensive as possible!
Jody

Jody,

I don't mind replying here as it may help someone along the way. Even if the replies are long ones, to someone who may need help or advice the reading is more than worth it. :)

Anyway, here are the answers to your questions so far:

1)Q What do you wish people around you understood about your depression and feelings? Like if you could tell them a few things that would help them interact with you better, what would they be?

A I wish that more people could understand that, for some of us, it is not a 'mind over matter' issue; We cannot just 'think' ourselves happy. Many people assume that medication is never necessary for depression as there are ways to get through what is causing the depression. Unless they have suffered the types we on meds have they have no idea.
If more people could understand that, for the most part, we are normal people it would help. Understand that, sometimes, due to meds (or lack thereof) our moods can swing quite hellishly. Don't let that deter you from getting to know us...our mood swings can be survived. I promise.

2)Q What frustrates you the most in caring for someone who suffers from depression?

A For me it is the fact that, when in the throes of depression, they see no other way than their mind perceives things. They cannot see how things will get better or how lucky they are. Nothing will help them other than letting them cry themselves to sleep on your shoulder. My daughter usually feels better after a good hard cry and a nap. BTW, she is 15.

3).Q What is something that someone has done for you while you were "down" that really worked to help you or that made the biggest impression on you?

A My ex-husband used to let me cry on his shoulder and he would hold me until I was through it. I have "bad days" and the only thing that helps is the crying although you don't know why. Just support those who need to cry and let them work through it. Hold them and comfort them; it will pass.


4). Q Can you describe how you feel on your worst days?


A My worst days are pretty bad. For most people a bad day simply means having the 'blues'. Take your 'blues' and make them 100X deeper. On a bad day I feel that as if everything is against me: the weather, my co-workers, my boss, my kids, fate, etc. There is the feeling that all anybody wants is to hurt me or is out to undermine my efforts to live a decent life. Then the rage begins to build and I am mad at the world. Anything and everything is subject to my anger and hatefulness. Then comes the, "I'm not worth anything" phase. My kids, my boss, my mother, family and boyfriend all deserve so much better than me. I don't deserve to breathe. I'm a waste of good oxygen. You get the idea.
Sometimes I only go through one or two of those phases before a good hard screaming cry is needed or just happens. Fortunately my meds keep me out of that frame of mind....um...when I don't forget to take them. :oops:

Well, if you want to ask anything else please feel free to. I promise not to bite! :D

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Bonnie,
Thank you SOOOOO much for your help and answers. Since your answers were so helpful, would you mind if I included the "interview" word for word in my book. I think that hearing the answers from someone who has "been there" would be a tremendous plus. I won't use your name, but I would need your information for a reference. I will also need some background to introduce the interview.
Plus :), I have a few more questions!
1). How long have you been in therapy for your depression?
2). Do you feel that the fact that you to also suffer from depression helps or hurts your ability to help your daughter deal with this illness?
3). Do you work outside the home, and if so, what kind of reactions did you recieve from co-workers concerning your depression?
4). Did your husband suffer any consequences at work due to your condition, for example lost hours or passed up promotions?
5). Where friends, on average, supportive of your condition? Did you lose any friends during this time, or where any relatioinships weakened?
6). Did you ever feel like "giving up"? And if so, what helped you find the strength to go on? has your daughter ever suffered from feelings like that? If so, what did you do to help her?
7). What is the most important advice you can give someone who is caring for a loved one with depression?
8). What is the most important piece of advice you have given to your daughter to help her deal with depression?
I think that is it for now, HAHA. Thanks again. You are a tremendous help!!!!!
Jody

Jody,

I don't mind helping at all. :wink: I don't mind if you use my real name in your book or not as I have no fear of being known for depression; it's part of who and what I am. Yes, you may use my responses verbatim for your book. I will send my personal info via e-mail for obvious reasons...LOL
Here are the answers to your new questions:

1)QHow long have you been in therapy for your depression?
A Actually I stopped going to therapy for my depression. The day I walked into the psychologist's office and he asked, "So, what do you want to talk about today?" I decided that I could do a better job on my own. My deepest fears and darkest thoughts are buried inside and will not come out on their own. They will have to be dug up and, honest truth, it will not be an easy task.

2) QDo you feel that the fact that you to also suffer from depression helps or hurts your ability to help your daughter deal with this illness?
A I believe that it helps her as I can understand that sometimes you are not ready to talk about what has happened to you as it will take you deeper into the recesses of your dark memory. I also understand when feelings simply take over and you cry for no apparent reason. I do not demand a reason why if she says she doesn't know.

3)QDo you work outside the home, and if so, what kind of reactions did you recieve from co-workers concerning your depression?
A LOLOLOLOL Actually, because my mood can change from day to day and hour to hour most of them do not know what to think of me. Only a few people have ventured near long enough to try to figure me out. This, believe it or not, can be a good thing. :shock:

4) Q Did your husband suffer any consequences at work due to your condition, for example lost hours or passed up promotions?
A No. Fortunately he did not suffer any consequences at work because of me.

5) QWhere friends, on average, supportive of your condition? Did you lose any friends during this time, or where any relatioinships weakened?
A Actually my friends were very supportive and understanding. I did not, nor do not, have many who have reached 'friends' status as I know the difference between friends and aquaintances. The only relationship that weakened due to my depression was the one with myself before I got on meds. Now I have a strong relationship with myself and know who I am.

6)Q Did you ever feel like "giving up"? And if so, what helped you find the strength to go on? has your daughter ever suffered from feelings like that? If so, what did you do to help her?
A On the occasions where I do forget to take my meds I do suffer from wanting to give up. The last time it got severe was about 3 years ago and I began making out my Last Will and Testament. Rarely does it get that bad...usually only to the point of my wanting to give up until I look at my girls. That helps a little.

7) Q What is the most important advice you can give someone who is caring for a loved one with depression?
A Be patient. You have no better idea than they do what is going on in their head. Dark images and ghosts from the past can easily control them for a short while. If possible get them some form of treatment whether it be medication or therapy if not both to start with. But, over all, be patient.

8)Q What is the most important piece of advice you have given to your daughter to help her deal with depression?
A That everything that has happened to her in her life has made her who and what she is. Everything she has gone through has only made her stronger and that it will all be ok. I have promised her that she will get through this in time and, when she is ready to talk about what happened, I will find her someone if she needs me to. I also suggested that she write in a journal or diary; she has now started writing stories to help cope with a few things (mainly growing up).

I hope this has been more help for your book! Like I said, feel free to use my real name if you like for credibility. I will e-mail you with more info on me in a minute.

Bonnie

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Here's a single-parent point of view for you, Jody.

I wish people would understand that when I get grumpy and down, it's not their fault. They don't need to 'cheer me up' and they don't need to berate me for not 'snapping out of it'. I am what I am and if you'll just give me a bit of slack, I can work on getting 'back to normal'.

Whether I was helping my mother, who suffered from depression, or trying to help myself, the biggest frustration is the sense of helplessness. I was in a fine mood 20 minutes ago. Why am I down now? If you weren't crazy to begin with, coping with depression is a good way to get driven there.

I have two daughters and two cats. Any one of the four will give me a 'hug' either with two arms and a head or an insistance that they sit on my lap and purr. And yes, my daughters have tried to purr and my cats have put their front paws on my shoulders to 'give me a hug'.

I feel like I'm at the bottom of the well, shut away in darkness and isolation, but able to see the top of the well and hear the cheerful conversation of 'normal' people as they enjoy the sunlight and open spaces. I can't say as I contemplate suicide on those days, but it wouldn't hurt my feelings any if I got hit by a bus. There isn't, after all, any real need to have me here on this Earth, is there?

And you're welcome to contact me by e-mail at: ve5cap@excite.com if you need further information.

Cheryl

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