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I had a similar experience about 10 years ago. I had a dream that I went to the hospital looking for my grandfather (who had been dead for more than 10 years at the time I had the dream). I started on the bottom floor of the hospital, and at each floor, I asked for my grandfather and they would send me up to the next floor. I'd ride up in the elevator to the next floor, again ask for my grandfather, and again be told to go up one more floor. Eventually, I arrived at the top floor and the elevator opened up onto a beautiful, huge penthouse suite, lavishly decorated. No one was there, but very soon, my grandfather came walking out of another area of the penthouse, saying, "Oh, good, you're here. Hurry up, I'm taking you to see your mother." My grandfather was dressed in a beautiful old-fashioned suit and was carrying a wooden cane. He was walking just fine, but was using the cane. At the time he died, he hadn't been able to walk for several years due to a stroke which affected one side of his body, and he was using the cane on that side of his body. He kept telling me to, "Hurry up, hurry up," all the while walking quickly ahead of me, with me trailing behind. Very suddenly, he stopped, turned and looked me right in the eye. He said, "You know, if you kill yourself, you won't be able to be with your mother and me." Then he turned and continued walking and that is all of the dream that I remember.
I called my mother the next morning and told her about the dream. She asked me whether I had been thinking of killing myself or was depressed or anything, and I told her that, no, I wasn't, everything was absolutely fine. It was the most vivid and strange dream. But after talking to my mom about it, I shrugged it off and didn't think of it again.
Several months later, my mom died very suddenly and unexpectedly. She was only 52 years old and I was completely devastated by the loss. We were very close and talked on the phone daily, sometimes several times a day for hours at a time. Her loss left a huge whole in my life and I began having some emotional issues because of it. I was depressed, felt as if I couldn't focus or concentrate on things and felt as if I was losing control. It seemed impossible to me to just carry on with the daily activities of living with my mother gone, and hard to understand that the world was continuing without her. I was an emotional wreck and was having problems at home and at work. One day, I took a few days from work and decided to drive over to visit my father, just to get a chance of scenery, get away from pressures, get some peace and quiet and spend some time with my dad. The drive to my father's house included a one-hour drive over some very high, curvy mountain roads with straight drops off the side. As I was driving, I felt so alone and hopeless and filled with pain. I wanted the pain to stop, and saw no end to it in sight. I thought about how it would be so easy as I was driving just not to make a turn, just to keep driving straight and go over the edge and end my pain. As I had that thought, the forgotten dream about my grandfather suddenly popped back into my mind. I heard him saying in my head, "You know, if you kill yourself, you won't be able to be with your mother and me."
It was a very weird moment. I hadn't even thought about the dream for months, and at the time I had it, would never have imagined being at a place where I would even consider hurting myself. I truly believe now this was a message from my grandfather, who knew what was going to happen and how badly I was going to take it, and who wanted me to be able to recall the dream during that dark moment to give me hope.
I went to a counselor and got help then, for what was apparently some kind of emotional or nervous breakdown. I would never have imagined myself sinking to such a place. I don't even believe at all that suicide is an answer for anything, and in fact think it is a very selfish consideration, especially considering that I have children who would be devasted themselves by something like that. But when things get very dark and bad, I guess we stop thinking rationally and can begin to lose control. I think my grandfather very well may have saved my life during that time. At the very least, he gave me a very real message that there is more than this life we are living on earth and gave me hope.
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