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PostPosted: September 28th, 2004, 5:24 pm 
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Joined: September 28th, 2004, 5:19 pm
Posts: 5
Location: South Beach, Oregon
Hi,
I am writing a book on childless women, especially women who do not have children because their husbands or partners were unable or unwilling to father children with them. I am looking for people to interview about what it's like to be childless, including dealing with friends and relatives who all have kids, whether step-parenting is a worthwhile substitute, other types of mothering such as teaching or raising animals, and facing old age without children or grandchildren. I am currently looking for an agent and a publisher. The proposal is done, and I am several chapters into the book. Please contact me at suelick@casco.net if you are willing to be interviewed or know someone who would be a good subject. I will not use your full name in the book.
Thank you.--Sue Fagalde Lick
http://www.suelick.com.

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PostPosted: September 29th, 2004, 1:22 pm 
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Joined: April 20th, 2004, 4:22 pm
Posts: 217
It sounds as though you are choosing to profile women who at some point even WANTED children, but for some reason or another were unable and ended up childless?

(I am not categorizing myself here, just trying to understand -- I know some childless women who never wanted kids to begin with; it wasn't a decision they grappled with, and they don't feel shortchanged or 'incomplete' as women just because they didn't procreate. Which may not fall in line with your theme.)

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PostPosted: September 29th, 2004, 4:40 pm 
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Joined: September 28th, 2004, 5:19 pm
Posts: 5
Location: South Beach, Oregon
Hi,
Yes, I'm looking at women who wanted children--or thought they did--but wound up not having any. I would also like to talk to younger women who are still grappling with the decision. Do you accept the guy if he doesn't want kids? If you are already together and he suddenly doesn't want children or can't have them, how do you deal with that? There are also a lot of us who never quite got around to it because we were busy with careers and other things and the time was never right. So now it's too late.
I'm not really looking for women who never wanted children and are content with their decision. This book really has a different focus.
Thanks.
Sue

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 Post subject: Childless response
PostPosted: October 24th, 2004, 8:02 pm 
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Joined: September 28th, 2004, 5:19 pm
Posts: 5
Location: South Beach, Oregon
Hi all,
I know there aren't many posts here, but many, many wonderful women from Writersweekly.com have written to me in the last couple of weeks and allowed me to interview them on this highly personal subject. Thank you so much. And yes, I am still looking for childless women to talk to.
Hugs,
Sue

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 Post subject: hi sue
PostPosted: November 11th, 2004, 12:31 am 
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Joined: November 11th, 2004, 12:15 am
Posts: 4
Location: PA, USA
i am new and wanted to help out - i am currently in a relationship and not yet married or engaged, but kids are a thing i have always envisioned having...
my bf is not completely keen on the idea and believe me, i have been in tears over it on many occasions.

we sat down and talked about why - his fears are worst-case scenario - what if something bad happens, what if our child can't live a normal life bc of a disability etc.
my thoughts are the opposite - how great it would be, how cute he or she would be, how cute my bf would be with a little one once we get to that step after marriage, etc.
let me know if i can help!
good luck!


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 Post subject: Childless women
PostPosted: November 22nd, 2004, 11:04 pm 
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Joined: November 22nd, 2004, 10:25 pm
Posts: 1
Hi there. I am 47, single and going through the menopause. I have always wanted a family and a partner. How did this happen to me? I kept expecting to meet someone but sadly I loved a married man for many years and by the time we broke up I was 10 years older and missed my chance. My friends told me to trick him into getting me pregnant but I always felt it would spoil the integrity of our relationship so I never pushed the boundaries. I adored him and it's taken me a long time to get over it even begin to think about dating again. I wanted to speed up the process but it took as long as it did. I regret not being more canny and I wish I had taken my opportunity when I had it. What a fool I've been.

I eventually met someone else who I liked but he didn't want children. He had my last few years of being fertile and then he left me. I kept hoping he would change his mind. As much as I wanted children I didn't want to do it without the consent of the father. I never lived with my father and always wanted to give my children what I missed. Sadly I missed out too and now I wished I'd just done it anyway. In sisterhood

I'm going through a particularly bad patch at the moment as my only security is my house which has been devestated by an unfortunate choice of builders. It's a stressful time and because of this negligence I could well be facing bancruptcy as my income was dependent on what I earnt through the house. I can't afford a lawyer. I feel very alone at the moment and took the advice of my doctor and went for a free counselling session this morning. I told her that I had a number of very serious problems and it didn't help being menoupasal, single and childless. Her reply to me was how old are you? I told her my age and she scoffed and said 'you're far too old to be thinking about babies'.

I won't be going back to counselling again as I've been feeling wretched all day. I felt humiliated and patronised. The problem about not having had children is you are continually confronted with it it doesn't go away and I often don't know how to deal with cras and hurtful things that people say.

I'm so glad you're writing this book. For all the women who conciously chose not to have babies - that's your perogative and I'm glad we live in an age where we have a choice but for the women who didn't ,for whatever reasons, we shed silent tears and your book will give us a voice and a language.


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 Post subject: Childless by Marriage
PostPosted: November 23rd, 2004, 1:54 pm 
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Joined: September 28th, 2004, 5:19 pm
Posts: 5
Location: South Beach, Oregon
Yogagirl,
Thanks for posting this. I think a lot of us share these feelings. You are not alone. I am contacting you privately regarding an interview. Meanwhile, hang in there and have a great Thanksgiving. By writing about it, we can educate the world.
Sue

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