I had a crush on a boy since I was in the eighth grade. I grew up and shacked up with him. I swore up and down that he was a god and that we would be together for an eternity.
Anyway, one day while I was working at the portrait studio, an army recruiter approached me about a job for his daughter. One thing led to another, and the next thing I knew, I was eating free lunches while this guy talked about how wonderful the Army was and how I could expand my horizons by joining. I really wasn't paying much mind to him while I ate the free hamburger and French fries.
I told my then my boyfriend’s dad about this and he told me to look into other branches of the service. I didn't think he heard me correctly, because I wasn't planning on joining any of them, but for some reason I checked into them.
So...While at boot camp, I quivered and quaked about the possibility of my never seeing my true love again. The drill instructors told us awful stories of loved ones back home getting into horrible accidents. I worried about this. My boyfriend had been having reoccurring dreams in which we were in a deadly car accident involving a truck. We weren't married, so if something were to really happen to him, I couldn't take emergency leave to see him.
Okay, so I have no idea what prompted me to join the military. I was never the military type, but there I was, taking twenty-second cold showers with forty other girls.
I went to my tech school and married someone else within two weeks of knowing the guy. I knew that I wasn't sure whether I was in love or not, but decided I best do it.
After a long messy break up with my god, (I had to tell him I got married, and well, that's a bit awkward), I was in for a hellish beginning of a marriage. It was awful but for some reason I couldn't go back to the god, who, by the way, was willing to take me back into his arms.
When I took leave to my hometown, my new husband and I were in the midst of calling it quits. My god gave me a call and I was going to drive to his house. Well, I, for some reason, told this to my soon-to-be annulled husband on the phone. (He coincidentally rang the telephone, like, eight seconds after I hung up with the boyfriend). He, apparently, was near town too. Coincidence? Anyway, while driving along the highway to my boyfriend, the god's house, I felt a sort of pull. I completely missed my exit, and before I knew it, I was driving up and away to my green-eyed hellish man of a husband.
That was the day, I guess, I was standing on the pinnacle of decision: a catalyst of destiny.
I spend the next couple of days with my new husband and crawled around in his weird mind. As it turned out, thought I cannot say that I was surprised, this man, my husband, had a history of psychological disorders, and I would eventually be the one who could sooth him.
During our first year of marriage, we continued to slide around in a mess of confusion and anger, but we were both determined to make this work out. So one night, I had a dream about a dark eyed girl of about sixteen years old. She was waiting for me, needed me, and needed me to be with my husband. I told my husband, and he said that the dream meant I was going to have a baby girl one day. The very next day, I noticed I was nauseous. The day after that, my husband suggested a pregnancy test. It was positive.
I have a little girl who is a spitting image of the girl in my dream.
So I got to thinking about my past and the guy I was with. I still love him, in a sense, and can't figure out why I so harshly left him. It was never my nature to do such a thing. My husband knows this and he understands my concern, after all, I'd been with that guy for quite a while.
What if, I thought to myself, I wasn't meant to be with the other guy? What if I was meant to be with my husband for some powerful reason? I met my husband in tech-school. He was there on a medical hold, which means, if things went well, I would have never ever met him.
What if, I thought to myself, I stayed with the other guy and a tragedy ensued? I thought that maybe his dreams of getting killed in a truck accident were possibly a sign.
Side note: I had a close friend who also had a dream of similar nature and it unfortunately came true. This is why this dream worried me.
Anyway, years later, I mentioned this thought to my husband. I started wondering what ever happened to my first love and did a search for him on the Internet. I couldn't find anything. I tried using Google on my work computer for a last minute try, but the computer wouldn't let me access Google.
I used MSN and found a whole site dedicated to the guy, and when I clicked on the 'About' Section, my heart jumped up and crashed on the monitor.
He had been in a horrible car accident and had to be cut out of his vehicle and air lifted to a trauma center.
He fortunately survived and didn't suffer any brain damage, but had to have extensive surgery.
So my question still remains: What if I was with him? Maybe he survived because I wasn't there. Maybe I am alive because I wasn't there.