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I think I have made it through the 17 months of heck - well, at least I am seeing a little clearer.
Summary:
My wife starts talking about separation/divorce in '06. I kind of lose it - lose several clients - in hindsight, probably should have been on anti-anxiety meds or taken up drinking (just kidding).
'07 becomes a professional malaise while simultaneously writing a lot of songs and playing out a bit.
July (whoa july) '07:
1) mini-flood in house (hot water heater's valve blows) - due to water pressure
2) plumber replacing pressure valve lights fire in wall - I am out playing music and discover it on my return
3) fire department arrives as flames burst from wall and proceed to take out about 8 feet of wall.
4) move my wife and youngest child out the day prior to our 20th anniversary - our oldest stay with me
5) 3 days later a monsoon storm overflows the wash behind our house,pushes through the back gate, fills our backyard with 4.5 to 5 feet of water, mud and water pours into the house about 2.5 feet worth - destroying literally everything I own (several guitars, computers, equipment, etc.) except my latptop and my primary guitar - the one my two oldest kids had purchased for me.
Ironically, we were NOT in a flood plane - so no flood insurance. it is a flood plane now. Uh...thanks.
FYI: That's a rough month - but no one was injured and I consider it an odd blessing.
My wife and I go back and forth - date each other - stop - again - stop. No details forthcoming but in June we were divorced. :(
I still contend with a lot of confusing or conflicting emotion - and have decided that I won't view our marriage as anything but a great love story that had to end - As I wrote in a song:
"There is sweetness in this heartache
and I treasure the loneliness
that infects my sleepness evenings
and puts my sanity to the test."
FYI: I am not enamored with that final line - but will stick with it for now.
The upside is that I am out playing and writing a lot of music and have been hired several times including recently opening for a national act. Last weekend I was approached by a publisher about pitching 3 of my songs for movies... And he has only seen 4 of my songs.
And I have won some new consulting deals - and actually started sleeping through the night a couple months ago. I also made a concerted effort to reconnect with family and friends I had self-exiled myself from.
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