Update: Willow, I had a great talk with my wife last night. I never knew her true feelings. I always thought she felt the same as me that we were just together due to circumstances, not for love. Boy was I wrong, we are on the right track I think. Can't thank you enough. It's amazing what a little communication can do...

_________________
Buzz Timothy

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Ben Franklin)

** Willow beams** BuzzT, you are the PERFECT patient! I suggest something AND you do it! Where were you my whole career? I probably wouldn't have quit practice if I had more like you. Here's a BIG HUG for following thru. Communication is the #1 reason why marriages fail. Talk, talk, talk. Listen, listen, listen. = LOVE LOVE LOVE! I am so happy for you!

We're all very proud of you BuzzT. All the best for the future.

Oh my goodness--I've been away from the forum too long! (I'm trying to deal with my computer addiction; I'll have a double diet coke, Willow. Alcoholism runs in my family.) Here I thought y'all were still comparing PODs and brands of beer...

BuzzT--I'm so glad you followed Willow's advice. Keep aiming for the high road. I found myself in your situation of temptation several years ago, and ended up in a major depression from the guilt of it. There are no winners in that scenario. This is one of those major hurdles you will be thankful to have handled successfully years from now when you are celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary. And you will grow in your love with your mate just working through this temptation together, should you open up to her about it. You will see that the grass is truly greenest on your side of the fence.

_________________
Of all the creatures both in the sea and land,
Only to man Thou hast made known Thy ways,
And put the pen alone into his hand,
And made him secretary of Thy praise.
--George Herbert
www.patriciasbaker.com

Willow, I need a glass of burgundy here- Thanks.

I grew up in the States where relationships are all about honesty- honesty no matter how painful it might be to hear. The important thing is to give everything to the other person. My husband on the other is a Motswana and they believe in keeping the peace. He sees no reason that I should tell him things that would bring him pain. He thinks the only reason that I would want to tell him a painful truth is to relieve my guilty conscience and that is selfish.

For a long time I felt that he was crazy but now I'm on his side. The point being, I don't think Buzz should tell his wife that he was attracted to another woman. It will only bring her pain, add conflict to their relationship and solve nothing.

_________________
"I am building a stairway to the stars. I have the authority to take the whole of mankind up there with me.
That is why I write." - Bessie Head


http://thoughtsfrombotswana.blogspot.com/

Yes, indeed that is a tricky one. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer in that. I think it is about what would help their relationship the most. If talking about temptation would help face the frailities of the marriage, then it would be good. But if the other partner would unravel from it and you are trying to rebuild, then I would not. The goal here is to BUILD a relationship and REBUILD even stronger than before so each person has to weigh if the partner could handle it and if by talking about it it would help or harm the rebuilding efforts.

Ah, good ole taste/smell aversion--the brain's way of screaming, "No, no, no! Don't drink that! Remember what happened last time?" Which is why I haven't had tequila since I was 19. Willow, a Corona please? With lime?

What a great discussion and a great group of people. It's nice to come into a place like this, where you can speak your mind without fear of being judged, where people are so supportive, where everybody knows your name.... :) Sorry, drinking always makes me feel a little sentimental.

_________________
"It takes a heap of loafing to write a book." - Gertrude Stein

http://www.womensliterature.allinfoabout.com
http://www.california.allinfoabout.com

I think I'll join ya in the Corona & Lime--what the heck, the bartender gets thristy too---Yes **CHEERS** the bar and otherwise....

It is a great place to come too--where everyone knows you name and CARES. Interesting that Willow's Martini Bar is much more chatty than Willow's couch. See what alcohol does to one?? hehehehehe

....."where everybody knows your name", the other thread people are dreaming about " I Dream of Genie" stars.... I think ya'll are a bunch of closet vidiots- retro ones!

_________________
"I am building a stairway to the stars. I have the authority to take the whole of mankind up there with me.
That is why I write." - Bessie Head


http://thoughtsfrombotswana.blogspot.com/

I am definately a retro. My other book was all about the 60's & 70's. Retro me anything.

Double scotch on the rocks please... and let me see if I can get up on this bar stool while I'm still shaking.

Well, just as I'm starting to think "Hey this driving thing is okay. It's not scary. I can do this..." a woman decides to do a u-turn across the intersection at the exact moment that I come zipping along with my green arrow telling me I have right of way to turn left.

Willow - you will be delighted to know that I reacted very quickly and braked with enough space that she could continue her u-turn (I waved her through even though she stopped - otherwise she would've been blocking the intersection when the lights changed). So, not only did I react quickly and avoid an accident, I also reacted nicely and calmly.

So although I'm a bit shaken, I feel good about how I handled it. One thing that always made me nervous driving was believing that my reflexes aren't that good - now at least I can tell myself that I know I can react quickly in a tricky situation.

Buzzie - congratulations on making that breakthrough with your wife. How are you feeling about this possibiliity of re-kindling and re-inventing a marriage that you thought was one of convenience?

_________________
Elle
Word 4 Writers has been relaunched!

I'd be feeling better about my close call if I could get the fence off of my new rose bush. Willow, anything to give me strength??

zubbycat :)

(p.s. so glad to hear that things are working out, Buzz!)

_________________
"Read! Read! Read! Write! Write! Write! Rewrite! Rewrite! Rewrite!" - Pierre Berton
"Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words." - Mark Twain

Daoine, yes anxiety is always future oriented--worried about how we WILL do something if the time comes. Now you know. Don't doubt what you know, doubt your doubts. You have already learned something about yourself. Driving is unpredictable but you have quick reflexes and good reasoning and all turned out well, as it will next time. Pat yourself on the back and look at this as a victory!

Zubs, you are one of the bravest people I know. You need to be the cheerleader for YOURSELF that you are for all of us! Encourage yourself with all the things you tell us.

Now everyone gather round and chant with me "Go Zubby, Go Zubby, Go Zubby..."

Hey Zubby, you didn't order a drink with that request...