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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 5:55 am 
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Joined: March 22nd, 2004, 11:09 pm
Posts: 981
Location: New Zealand - but I work anywhere!
I have been staying out of the bar- pregnant women shouldn't drink and all... but I really need to say, that the best thing about REAL love is you have someone who just thinks you are the greatest- even when you plainly annoy them sometimes. Love is about acceptance
I suspect he may be looking for the perfect one for quite sometime- or find what he thinks he is looking for and realises it never was the thing he needed after all

Love is such a strange thing. The longer I am married, the more I think love is more about choice than feelings- and the feelings grow deeper the longer you make the choice to love.

Hope you find someone who knows the true measure of your worth soon td

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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 8:38 am 
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Joined: March 8th, 2004, 4:38 am
Posts: 2101
Location: Botswana
Rubykate,

I think what you are saying is so important. I'll be married 14 years next month and I feel like the first few years were the hardest. There were so many times that either one of us could have walked out the door. We were still a bit deluded. A lot of this "perfect partner" and "romantic love" business comes from a place that is not honest. Relationships are not all rose petals and French perfume. They're throny and sometimes pretty stinky. It's all about acceptance, compromise and respect for each other and you do all that because you choose to love the other person.

Like you said, I don't see our fella finding anything honest in the near furutre unless he gets a pretty severe epiphany.

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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 8:47 am 
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Joined: April 29th, 2004, 8:49 pm
Posts: 3631
Location: God's country
Ah yes, A narcissist (maybe this conversation should go over to Willow's Couch instead of Willow's Martini Bar--oh well, we are already bellied up here...). Yes Mr. Narcissist is waiting for the only thing that can match him--Miss Perfect. He needs perfection to match his perfection. So what this translates into real life experience is: He wants himself. So it will be him and his right hand for a LONG LONG time. Narcissists never find love. They can't love, first of all---and they are always staring in the pool at their own reflection...waiting and wondering why they can't find real love.

Although quite rare, he gave you a gift--an OUT which they rarely do because they hate being alone so they will keep their conquest, emotionally torture them and tell them they are not good enough but never get out of the relationship. So that he cut you loose, is an incredible gift--given his short comings.

TD: Get the book (and the workbook)!! The first 3 chapters are the thing that can change your choices and change your life. You're worth more, now prepare to get more.


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 10:14 am 
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Joined: October 22nd, 2003, 4:50 pm
Posts: 50
Location: Tennessee
Willow,

Is there any book out there for men? I am in a situation, I don't understand and don't know where to go from here.

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Ben Franklin)


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 11:21 am 
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Joined: April 29th, 2004, 8:49 pm
Posts: 3631
Location: God's country
First tell me if you want one olive or two~~then tell me your situation so I can tell you if there is a book out there for you (or I'll write it!!) Now crawl up on the bar stool and tell Willow...


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 11:34 am 
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Joined: October 22nd, 2003, 4:50 pm
Posts: 50
Location: Tennessee
Ok, Willow you asked. Better make it two olives. I fell in love with a woman, it was love at first site for both of us. We have only known each other a short time (a month or so). Problem is we are both married. She 18 years in a marriage whereby she felt like he did her a favor and married her. She says he is a good man, husband and father, but there is no love, no passion, just co-existance. Me, I have been with my second wife for 5 years. I thought I loved her, until now. Am I one of the guys you warn about in your book?

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Ben Franklin)


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 11:52 am 
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Joined: October 22nd, 2003, 4:50 pm
Posts: 50
Location: Tennessee
Let me elaborate a bit more. What I don't understand is how or why this is happening? Why have our paths crossed at this juncture in our lives? Neither of us would have "changed" anything had we not met. On top of that I have been working here for over a year and we just now have "discovered" each other.

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Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. (Ben Franklin)


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 12:27 pm 
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Joined: March 29th, 2004, 8:04 pm
Posts: 453
Location: The back of beyond
Thanks, everyone *smile* I really will be okay, eventually.

Willow wrote:
Ah yes, A narcissist (maybe this conversation should go over to Willow's Couch instead of Willow's Martini Bar--oh well, we are already bellied up here...). Yes Mr. Narcissist is waiting for the only thing that can match him--Miss Perfect. He needs perfection to match his perfection. So what this translates into real life experience is: He wants himself. So it will be him and his right hand for a LONG LONG time. Narcissists never find love. They can't love, first of all---and they are always staring in the pool at their own reflection...waiting and wondering why they can't find real love.


Perfect description. He wants a relationship where nobody EVER gets upset with each other. Rubykate, you're right about choices.

He just wrote me a note (just can't give up, can he?) saying not to feel bad about myself, that we have some basic incompatibilities. Meaning I told him--that was the WW III II startedI-- how self-centered and selfish he is, and he is still angry. Heehee. He wants to be "friends". Whatever that means. :(

Now, daoine, what do you want to hear on this fiddle? *draws the bow across the strings*

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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 2:07 pm 
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Joined: March 6th, 2004, 6:06 pm
Posts: 1110
Location: Phoenix
TDavis wrote:
Perfect description. He wants a relationship where nobody EVER gets upset with each other. Rubykate, you're right about choices.

He just wrote me a note (just can't give up, can he?) saying not to feel bad about myself, that we have some basic incompatibilities. Meaning I told him--that was the WW III II startedI-- how self-centered and selfish he is, and he is still angry. Heehee. He wants to be "friends". Whatever that means. :(

Now, daoine, what do you want to hear on this fiddle? *draws the bow across the strings*


I had a boyfriend like that once. Ran into him 15 years after I married someone else. He was fat, bald, and totally broke. He was married to a woman that I decided was perfect for him--a real leech with a whole slew of relatives who were constantly borrowing money. Try to remember that when it hurts too much.

There is divine justice in the world for all of those sleazeballs out there who seek to undermine our self-esteem and destroy our sense of self-worth..

Pour another round, Willow.

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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 2:19 pm 
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Joined: March 9th, 2004, 9:58 am
Posts: 205
Location: Kentucky
I know the writer's world is tough. I am having a tough time the last few days. Writer's block, and slow downs in the thoughts coming are only part of the problem. There is something I haven't discussed much here, because I don't want pity.

However, I think I may need some direction. I have several small disabilities. One is my vision, so you can imagine I can barely read this site to begin with. The other causes my brain to not work at its best. My mind can be racing, and it will get really fogging, and I cannot come up with the words I need, or focus on anything, sometimes for days at a time. Again, I don't want pity. This is why some of my questions sound so amateurish. I am wondering if anyone knows any good writer's groups for less abled writers?

Thanks everyone for being here.
adeil


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 4:07 pm 
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Joined: April 29th, 2004, 8:49 pm
Posts: 3631
Location: God's country
**Willow slings several drinks down the whole length of the bar, sloshing as they go...**

BuzzT: I am afraid so. One of my dangerous men is the Emotionally Unavailable who is either married, seperated, or steadily dating someone else. How a relationship starts has a lot to do with the longevity of it. If character is an issue, then it will always be an issue, later in the relationship. Right now she will say it is NOT an issue. But it will always be in the back of her mind. You can't solve a problem with another problem. You can't solve your relationship problems by getting another relationship. Put your efforts into the relationship you have at home for a good year. Go to counseling, do whatever it takes. If it doesn't work, end it, gGet divorced THEN LOOK HER UP (in that order--no just staying friends and having contact).

As Willow always says "Straddling the fence is no good. You only end up with a post up your butt! Then you are paralyzed and can't move to get off the post."


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PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 4:09 pm 
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Joined: April 29th, 2004, 8:49 pm
Posts: 3631
Location: God's country
Adeil--in case you haven't noticed--we are a pretty disabled bunch ourselves. You are in good company. No need to go anywhere else. And if anyone's brain works right, please raise your hand. ** Willow looks about** See, I rest my case.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 4:37 pm 
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Joined: March 22nd, 2004, 11:09 pm
Posts: 981
Location: New Zealand - but I work anywhere!
I think temptation towards another person outside your spouse is really common- it is what we do with that temptation that is the key

I was tempted a few years ago when I met a man while my husband was in the depths of depression and pretty difficult to live with. But instead of feeding the temptation- which was mutual I just made a strong decision to break off contact- even though we worked together. I just made sure we stopped talking personal. I am really glad I did. I love my husband and would have hated th elong term repercussions.

I heard a speaker once say- if you are catching a train to work and meet a temptation the best thing to do is change trains. Sometimes the temptation is about our perceived lack of needs being met.The best way to have your needs met is to learn to meet your SO needs first and through this teach them how your needs are to be met.

Every relationship goes thrtough dry spells, but the richness after the dry spots are truly worth waiting for
Just my 2 cents

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 5:29 pm 
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Joined: March 29th, 2004, 8:04 pm
Posts: 453
Location: The back of beyond
jlgwriter wrote:
I had a boyfriend like that once. Ran into him 15 years after I married someone else. He was fat, bald, and totally broke. He was married to a woman that I decided was perfect for him--a real leech with a whole slew of relatives who were constantly borrowing money. Try to remember that when it hurts too much.

There is divine justice in the world for all of those sleazeballs out there who seek to undermine our self-esteem and destroy our sense of self-worth..

Pour another round, Willow.


LOL
thank you for that! I'm having an especially hurting day today.

*another gin & tonic please*

And Willow I'm ordering 2 copies of your book---one for me and one for my friend who is dating a married creep.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: June 28th, 2005, 5:35 pm 
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Joined: March 9th, 2004, 9:58 am
Posts: 205
Location: Kentucky
Willow, I honestly wish I could have read your book in college. My first husband was a first rate creep, and well, I didn't do to well after that for a long time. Just another segment of the population to send your book too.


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