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PostPosted: September 5th, 2003, 11:24 am 

Joined: August 1st, 2003, 9:52 am
Posts: 1874
Angela is posting questions arriving anonymously from readers who are downloading the free book, The Emergency Divorce Handbook for Women:

Please share your advice with these women!

IF YOU CAN HELP WOMEN IN NEED, please bookmark this forum and
return often. :)


I'm recovering from domestic violence and getting on my feet again
without him. How can I cope and bring up my self esteem from the gutter?

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 Post subject: Up and Out of the Gutter
PostPosted: September 5th, 2003, 3:17 pm 
All the intelligence of our highest and best selves comes to us through our hearts. Your courage is showing in your question. Ask yourself if you are willing to believe that you are capable, powerful, valuable, loveable and equal to all others. Ask yourself if you are ready to accept esteem for yourself and others. If so, take time to be silent and relax in a comfortable place. Pay attention to your breathing and imagine that it is your heart that is breathing. Imagine that you are breathing into your heart as you breathe. Then, think of something or someone you love, or a time or place where you felt at peace and happy. When you have done this enough, you will begin to feel the energy of appreciation. Stay with that feeling as long as you can. Healing happens automatically when we are in a state of appreciation. Depending on how much time you have, you may want to try to expand that feeling by thinking of as many things you appreciate as possible. You might notice that you feel start actually feeling lighter. (Up from the bottom of the gutter!) Then, when you feel ready, talk to your heart. Ask it for what you need. Ask it for guidance. Then, listen. Everything you need for the next little while will come through your heart for you. This is something you've heard your whole life, but now is when it really counts: follow your heart. Do what your heart tells you to do, even if it is contrary to your head's best ideas of what you "should" do. Trust your your highest and best self to lead you. It is not only possible, it is your responsiblity to be happy. Treat yourself with the respect you would have from others and watch yourself bloom! Be blessed in your journey.

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PostPosted: September 8th, 2003, 3:29 am 
>I'm recovering from domestic violence and getting on my feet again without him. How can I cope and bring up my self esteem from the gutter?>

There is a wonderful book called Trust after Trauma and another one called The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Both will help you understand you are not to blame, will explain your reaction is normal, and YOU WILL GET BETTER.

Unconditional self acceptance is critical. Start now. Begin with the sentences you use in your head. "Why am I even bothering with this issue? This man is sick, I've survived a vicious episode of my life and I'm proud of myself. I am moving on and leaving him and my old self and ways behind." Take care of YOU. Unconditionally and begin now.

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 Post subject: Develop a life plan
PostPosted: September 10th, 2003, 11:13 pm 
To stay in a poor relationship, you are constantly adjusting to make it work. By the time it ends, you don't know who you are anymore. Although it seems impossible, you can build a wonderful life for yourself and a strong self esteem. To do this, develop a life plan.

You may not know exactly what you want to do, or who you want to become, but begin to think of what makes you happy. Imagine the times you felt happy doing something without your ex. Then, expand your vision from these small seeds. Outline steps (even if very, very small) that you can take towards your goal. No matter how tired or down you feel, take one step every day. The more power you take over your life, the better you will feel.

As a marriage and family therapist, I have learned through my practice as well as through practical experience of my own divorce, that self-esteem is constantly changing over time. Here are some sure fire ways to increase your self esteem.

* Take a class(s) to either improve your skills or learn something new. Take something that interests you and which will give you a grade. A class is short term, sharpens your skills, and is immediately gratifying with each new concept you learn.
* Look at your eating, sleeping and exercising patterns. Make one small change each week to change any habits. Begin a regular sleep routine and at the very least take walks or jump rope if you do not have the time to work out or if you find it is too expensive.
* Watch funny movies.... ones that will make you belly laugh.
* Create a financial budget. If you need help to do this, ask family or friends to help. Taking control over your finances and finding creative ways to save money on a daily basis will increase your sense of control over your life.
**** Develop a passion, a new interest that will get you out of the house and around other people that enjoy the same things. This will not only give you an opportunity to make new friends, but will improve your mastery over a new skill and be quite distracting when you are feeling down.
* Build a support group. Surround yourself with women friends who will be there for the tough times as well as the good.

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