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 Post subject: Help me Lord
PostPosted: December 21st, 2004, 1:17 am 
Ya know, I downloaded the free book, over 100 pages, spent over 3 hours reading it, & was only on page 40 something & I just can't read anymore.
Maybe I am just too upset about my life, & I want fast answers, I don't know. But, I really am at a point where I feel there is no way out & that book, though very good, really made me feel worse, & not only worse, it made me feel scared- very scared.

I use to have a full time job. Actually, I worked just about 50-70 hours a week! I made more money than my husband did, then he got into an accident, & the 1400$ morgage we had at the time, I did not even come close to making enough to pay it. So, we ended up losing our home & moving to the state we are now, which my mom lives in. She owned 2 houses, one of which she live in & one of which she rented to us. Eventually, we got back on our feet. My husband was able to go back to work, though I could not find a job.
5 years later, my husband has numerous girlfriends, is abusive & I have to beg him for money for food to feed the kids & pay the bills. I don't even eat just to save food....oh & that reminds me... a while back he would stay gone (which he still does)-so long that me & the kids had no food, my mom would help of course, but I had to get some outside help. That help was Welfare. Guess what, he was never home & never did anything for us, so I told the welfare he wasn't there. Well, He came home just enough to get get me in trouble with the state. I had to pay back every dime I ever got from them. So, even though I REALLY needed help, he came home-so my welfare case was considered as fraudulant, I guess you could say.
I am terrified to even attemp to get any help now. I don't know what to do.
Here it is Christmas, we have no tree, no presents for the kids, BUT he has a brand new truck he purchased a month ago. Go figure.
Please pray for me & my kids, & please- if you have any advice- I am all ears!!

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: December 21st, 2004, 6:01 pm 

Joined: October 8th, 2003, 4:46 pm
Posts: 687
I think about the best present you can give your children is to change the locks! Can you stay in your mother's house until you get a job? Can you borrow a little money or go to your church for Christmas gifts?? It's only going to get worse and do you think your children deserve this treatment? On the other hand, if you care to give me his phone number and current location, I'll gladly contact this bum and give him a piece of my mind.


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PostPosted: January 5th, 2005, 7:09 pm 
Hi Christianwoman,

I wanted to respond to your plea for help, as I too had been in a similar situation. I'm a Christian and I'm going to give you some biblical answers to guide you along.

First of all, I totally know where you are coming from. Several years ago I had walked the same road. My infant son and I had fled to over six different shelters throughout the country for battered women and children. When we didn't find shelters, we ate in soup lines and stayed in the most horrendous homeless shelters you could imagine. I know what it feels like to leave the Christmas tree behind (laden with gifts) so that my son and I could find safety from my husband who was both physically and verbally abusive. This man was addicted to drugs, alcohol and pornography. Sometimes I had felt like I was married to the devil himself!

I know what it feels like to file for welfare, and I know what it feels like to go hungry. Were it not for God's miraculous intervention, I would have taken my own life.

First and foremost, God hates divorce. Plain and simple, the scriptures are very clear about it. BUT, there is an exception. If your spouse is an adulterer, than you have biblical grounds for divorce.

If you and your spouse has already tried reconciliation/counseling and this hasn't worked, then perhaps a separation would do before a divorce. If there is a possibility that counseling could help and your husband seems sincere, then give him the chance. I don’t know your entire situation, so only you can make that judgment.

If your spouse is abusing you and your children physically or emotionally, then please separate yourself from this man NOW. Pray about this situation and for God to open some doors for you.

When I say pray, I mean PRAY. First, get your life right with God. God does not hear the prayers of those who are not HIS. When you talk to God, leave it ALL at His feet.

Again, if there is abuse and neglect going on, then SEPARATE NOW. According to the scriptures, your husband is worse than an infidel. He is not taking care of his family and his responsibilities. Pray for him to get right with God. Perhaps in God's divine plan, there could be reconciliation. And perhaps not. Some people can NOT be helped, as they won't help themselves.

DO NOT be afraid to ask for help. If you need to reapply for welfare or some other type of assistance, then explain to the authorities that you are a battered woman and that your husband had ABANDONED the family and had not been taking care of responsibilities.

If you need local support, then call your local shelter for battered women and children. The police station can give you this number, or call 1-800-555-1212 for free directory assistance in your area. The battered shelters are equipped to handle your situation. They also are VERY familiar with the BATTERED SYNDROME - please don't get caught up in this like I had (returning back to abuse only to flee over and over again!)

You don't have to put up with this and the cold reality is that if you don’t make any changes today, then don’t expect changes tomorrow! Plain and simple.

Why not start the New Year’s off with some positive CHANGES for your family. Stop being the victim. Pray for guidance and strength. Ask God for wisdom in this matter and don’t let your heart make all the decisions. Sometimes our hearts can be deceitful!

No matter what happens, it is NOT God's will that your family be abused this way!

Take care, and God Bless!

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PostPosted: January 8th, 2005, 1:36 am 
Southtexaswriter, Thank you for your reply. Thank you so much, & Lord Bless You!
There is much more I have not enclosed, but you were right on target! I am a Christian, & I know very well what the bible says about divorce & even though HE HAS cheated, I was still willing not to give up. But, after a lot of prayer I asked for a seperation lastnight. He said yes. I want to move to my home state, he wants to stay here.
Only the Lord knows what my future holds, but I really need some advice, because he wants to just write up an agreement on seperation & then let me leave. Is there anyone on here that is an attorney or familar with what is lawful in a seperation that can look it over for me & maybe give me some advice? I actually have agreed to everything, but have no clue if it will stand in court.
Thank you in advance, & Again, Thank You Southtexaswriter, Lord Bless You!
1 Cor. 10:31

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PostPosted: January 9th, 2005, 1:07 am 
Dear ChristianWoman,

Please read over this website, http://www.jesus-is-lord.com/

This website contains hundreds of good biblically sound articles and links that have been written by a SOLID Christian woman who's been in our situation. Within this website, you will find numerous scriptural references to the problems that we are facing today with divorce, marriage, child rearing, and anything else you can think of.

Above all, God is Faithful and True and He will never leave nor forsake us. True faith is placing our problems into His hands and trusting Him with the outcome.

I am a living testament to this!

Before you sign any separation papers or make any more decisions, seek the Lord first. He is sovereign. He knows the numbers of hair on your head. He knew you while you were in your mother's womb. Prayerfully read over the articles that pertain to your present situation. Above all, spend time talking to God and reading His Word. God will bless you for your faithfulness.

Take care!


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 9th, 2005, 1:39 am 

Joined: December 15th, 2004, 7:47 pm
Posts: 17
Location: California

I am thinking of you during this rough time and praying for safety and happiness for you and for your children.

I am not an attorney, I am a paralegal, but I have worked for a family law attorney and remember some of the things he told me. First of all, he mentioned how many times he has seen people agree to horrendously unfair things just to get out of a marriage that is killing them, or because of guilt or fear or any number of things. He told me that people should ALWAYS go to an attorney because the attorney will be objective, while you cannot be. Right now, you are scared and miserable and just want out. You will probably agree to anything and everything at this point.

I am scared for you right now. I am scared because I was in an abusive marriage and I know how quickly an abusive person can go from being cooperative and reasonable to being abusive, cruel, threatening and potentially very harmful.

Please do lean on your family and outside resources and get out of this situation as quickly as possible, before he changes his mind and is mean to you or hurts you. I do like the idea of going to a women's shelter. I'm sure they are all different, but here they will let you and your children stay for 30 days while you take care of your legal situation and make plans and arrangements for your future. They will feed you and take care of you and give you and your children shelter and will provide you with limited legal help. I urge you to take advantage of this if you feel the situation warrants it. Of course, only you know exactly what your situation is, but please take care of yourself and don't be too trusting of someone who has hurt you terribly in the past.

I would urge you to make arrangements to leave as soon as possible and to work on the separation terms later, from a distance and when you are able to get help and be more objective.

Good luck to you and write if you need help or encouragement.

Best wishes, Leanne

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 Post subject: Thank You
PostPosted: January 10th, 2005, 10:25 pm 
Thank you both, Southtexaswriter & Bringin' It.
You both have been a great help, as well as an inspiration to me.
My internet connection will be shut off in a few days, so wanted to let you both know you really have helped!
I am moving soon, we are getting a seperation & I am leaving. I am sad, but excited at the same time. I pray this time apart, God will show us both what needs to be done. And, while we are apart, I can be sane again. :) I think the thoughts of him with his girlfriend's has hurt me so much- that being away for a seperation, now I can once again focus on the Lord, my kids, & me.
Please keep me in your prayers.
Again, thank you both for your words & wisdom.
In Christ, †

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 11th, 2005, 3:13 am 

Joined: December 15th, 2004, 7:47 pm
Posts: 17
Location: California
I am so glad to hear that things are going well and you have a plan. I certainly understand the pain of living through infidelity. It is heartbreaking, I know. I think you are doing the right thing by focusing on your faith, your children and yourself. I hope you will check back in when you can and let us know how things are going. Wherever you are, you can always use the computer internet connections at the public libraries to check in now and again. Stay safe and be happy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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