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PostPosted: September 17th, 2004, 4:38 pm 

Joined: August 1st, 2003, 9:52 am
Posts: 1874
This was sent anonymously to Angela Hoy. Please post your responses to this person right here and help her if you can:

I need to know where to obtain help--resources for someone in
my position. I do not work, have young children, little money in my
pockets and low self-esteem. I used to be such a go-getter and a vibrant, healthy mover and shaker. Now I question myself at every turn. How do I accomplish anything, much less take the necessary steps to leave the "love of my life" (right! lol) while being strong enough to take care of 4 children from the ages of 2-14, get us all through this stressful time of transition (both good and bad, mind you), and make it all work out???

I guess I need a simple step-by-step guide or checklist to make it as easy as possible on all of us, but mostly on me, the shell-shocked leader. I don't want to make it more difficult or drawn-out by wasting my time trying to figure out what to do, then question it a million times, change things over and over and then end up worse off than when I began...

I'm not having difficulty finding information, but I think that there is a lack of support for women who are in bad relationships that are in the grey area of almost domestically violent, but not quite enough to be considered dangerous. I'd like the "system" to take me more seriously, and not to treat me like the helpless, abused victim that doesn't know what's best for her.

I am having trouble finding counseling for myself and my children because we currently don't have insurance. I don't want to be treated like a big loser or one of "those poor ignorant women" just because I don't work outside of the home and don't have insurance. I don't want to be treated like some poor welfare momma, so I don't go on public assistance, but that may all change. I'd like for there to be a program for women who stay home with their kids that is not welfare, but allows us to co-op for insurance or dr's visits or something. I'd love to be able to barter for my services--like tutoring their kids or helping in their offices or doing paperwork at home or something. I'm willing to work for the things I need, but I don't want to go out and get a full time job while my kiddoes are still so little.

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 Post subject: Low self esteem
PostPosted: September 17th, 2004, 4:49 pm 

Joined: April 29th, 2004, 8:49 pm
Posts: 3632
Location: God's country
I use to work at a domestic violence shelter and had a counseling practice for abused women. What you are asking for is difficult--so you have to decide what you first priority is--getting out? safety? starting a new life? You want the ability to do that without the assistance of social services, etc. But you don't have money or work...so I think you have to be realistic that to exit this relationship you will INITIALLY need those kinds of services and then will come to be able to care for yourself.

Many domestic violence programs are generous with their help and care even if your situation is "marginal" in terms of overt abuse. So let them help you. They have all the resources to connect you to housing, food, jobs, legal services, and counseling. Thats what they are there for. Sometimes saying you dont want a hand out is really a way to sabotage yourself so you don't take that first step and get out.

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 Post subject:
PostPosted: September 20th, 2004, 3:42 pm 

Joined: January 13th, 2004, 4:38 pm
Posts: 426
Okay, consider it my gift to you. I paid more than $12,000 in income taxes last year alone. Add in property and sales taxes and I don't even know how much it came to. And that's last year alone. I've been earning a living and paying taxes for 25 years now. That's MORE than enough to pay for the "welfare" that you need.

So, take it. It's a gift. My gift to you. Only thing is, you'll have to go down to your local social services offices and get it from them, instead of directly from me. But they got the money from me in the first place, so you don't have to feel like you're going on public assistance.

You need the help, I'm offering it, go get it and good luck.

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