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 Post subject: Husband in Prison
PostPosted: July 28th, 2004, 8:31 am 
My husband was in prison when I signed our common law marriage contract. It states that we had to get a divorce if we wanted to seperate! We live in Kansas and our marriage lasted less than a year. We never lived together, have no joint property, no children and he tricked me into signing the papers by saying if I didn't they might take my visitation rights from me until he got out (which at the time was 4 yrs to go). Anyway my problem is we have been seperated for 3 yrs and I have been with another man for 2 and a half of those years. My ex-husband as I call him knows about my new man and for the past 3 yrs has been telling me he would file the divorce from inside. I gave up hope 6 months ago that this would happen but I don't have much choice because I don't have the finances to hire a lawyer! (Legal aid wants $450 for a divorce!) My financial situation sucks thanks to my ex's family charging stuff on my cards, my giving up a long term well paying job to move closer to him years ago and his need for me to send him money and spend money to see him when he was 7 hrs away, every weekend!

I feel trapped and worse now just found out I'm pregnat and Due in Jan! I decided to file for divorce myself, but I'm becoming more intimidated about it since I don't know how to file for an emergency divorce (Which I need to waive the 60 day waiting period!) and I have no idea how to get his papers to him! (He's in prison and I can't give him legal documents to hand deliver it, or mail them either!) But I don't know anything about what I'm suppose to do! Help Please! I really need that divorce so I can finally get married to the man I love and I really could use those insurance beifits he has since I can't work! (I have a high risk pregnancy!)

Thank You! :cry:


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 Post subject: husband in prison
PostPosted: July 28th, 2004, 8:55 am 

Joined: April 29th, 2004, 8:49 pm
Posts: 3632
Location: God's country
Darlin--the issues arent just your divorce but how did you get yourself into a relationship like this and how likely is it that these patterns will continue? Yes your immediate situation is this divorce, but the long term issue is what is going on with your choices????

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 Post subject: Good for you!
PostPosted: July 28th, 2004, 9:24 am 
Your perfect and never made a bad decissin in your life! I however am human and my ex and his family were the worst decision I have ever made! My ex's mother had been a long term friend and was the center of my mistake. I admit that I was stupid there, but why can't I be happy now! I was left with medical bills and debts that have ruined all my good credit and name. Ive been judge for being married to an inmate and physically removed from property because they didn't want that kind of person around here. People treated me like trash then despite the fact I thought I was doing the right thing!

The man I'm with now was a long time friend of mine. He stood beside me through it all! He never asked and only gave! He is the best man in the world and often feels bad that he can't do more! He is the one decision in my life after my ex that was right! This unplanned pregnancy was unplanned but we knew we wanted to get married a long time ago! The problem has always been my ex! I've asked for help in getting a divorce and have been told without money I have no options! I want to get on with my life and everytime it seems I can something happens and poof! My dream disappears. I'm in therapy and my counsouler thinks that my better half is the support system I need! He is my soulmate without a doubt!

Comparing my life choice patterns is like telling a woman who had a child while a teenager unwed that she can't move on and have a normal family someday. I made a stupid choice while I was young and just want a normal life now! I'm sorry if the tone of my reply offends you but you can not juge a persons personal choices without know what their life is like and what circumstances they live by! I'm here for legal advice to correct my mistake and give my child a good start with married parents who love it! The means may be complicated but the ending intentions are worth it!

Prayers to all who need a comforting spirit!

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 Post subject: husband in prison
PostPosted: July 28th, 2004, 9:45 am 
I am sorry too if my tone sounded harsh. Reality bites, for sure. But that still doesnt relieve one's need to not repeat patterns. As a psychotherapist, I have worked for 15 years with women in relationships just like yours and perpetrators that went to prison, just like him. See my next book "How to Spot a Dangerous Man BEFORE You Get Involved" and maybe circumvent this in the future. Good luck. Willow
"Things do not change, we change." (Thoreau)

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 Post subject: husband in prison
PostPosted: July 28th, 2004, 10:25 am 
P.S. While Legal Aid is probably not in a position to allow you to pay payments on the legal bill, a private attorney may be. Contact your local Domestic Violence agency and make an appointment with them. Ask them for a list of attornies who they regularly work with (they have a list). They may not only cut you a break but stretch out the payments so you can reasonably pay on it for a while. They may also be able to answer some of your other questions.

Also, the shelter may have grant funds that help women become independent. This may be a one time expenditure they are willing to make (they usually require that you go to counseling there though or group...)

Also, some of the larger churches offer social service support (often requiring counseling as well) in the way of one time payments on certain needs. Also check with your Dept of Social Services. If you could get some portion from various sources maybe the new husband will be willing to help..

Also local women's resource centers often know of other organizations that may assist. But again, many will require counseling before pay out.

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