I read part of your story in "Writers Weekly" -- I cannot even begin to imagine how you are coping each day. Know that many women and men have you in their thoughts and hearts. My mother lost a child, my older brother, in a boating accident. She has never recovered, although she went to to be the strong and beautiful woman she is today. My brother would be in his 50s now, and at times I wonder what life would have been like for me had he lived. I was too young to remember him when he died.
You are doing the right thing for yourself and your children.
When something similar -- although not nearly so terrible -- happened in my life, a good many strangers seemed to accost me with advice -- well meant I am sure -- concerning "forgiveness", 12-step survival programs of all sorts, and therapuetic advice, some good & some terrible. I recall smiling politely and mumbling platitudes -- and, wishing that these people would just mind their own business! Thus, I will not offer any of these. Only some words from my own heart and my own life's lessons: I am not sure it is possible to forgive something like what has happen to you -- or, if it is right to do so. It is possible, with courage and support, to move on with your life and care for the children who need you so much. It is possible to grow and learn and continue to become the balanced and whole human being that you know you are inside. The fact that you are sharing your story shows me that you have both of these in abundance!
It may even be possible to heal your heart, and still keep the memory of your lovely, precious daughter with you even though the worst possble thing has happened. What I do know, from my own experience, that blaming myself and carrying around the burden of guilt that was not mine to claim hurt me (and, those I loved) more than anything else I did after the events were long over.
My book is at www.xcpublishig.com
, if Angela at "Writer's Weekly" -- would send an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
, I will ask the publisher to send you a copy free of charge. It s an electronic publication. (my URL is: http://www.angelfire.com/ab4/doclezlie
) and, there are several choices.
Because I am a storyteller, my book became a novel, a mythic rendering of my pain and the hope I found after the world had ended and I found a new life -- how? By walking straight through the middle of my pain and my fear. With love and hope, from my heart to yours, Cenizas de Rosas