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PostPosted: April 14th, 2004, 4:30 pm 
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Joined: August 1st, 2003, 9:52 am
Posts: 1857
This question was submitted anonymously to Angela. Please respond and help if you can.

~~~~~

How can I be physically safe when approaching my spouse about divorce?


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PostPosted: April 14th, 2004, 4:33 pm 
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Joined: August 1st, 2003, 9:52 am
Posts: 1857
You should NEVER ask for a divorce while alone with your spouse. It may sound cruel, but doing it with a friend or even professional counselor right there with you is a much better idea. And, you might even consider doing it in a public setting to further protect yourself from harm.

If your husband is violent, you need to have your bag packed and have a new home OR have a restraining order against him BEFORE you ask for the divorce. Never, after the divorce, should you allow yourself to be alone with him, and certainly don't let him in the house!

Angela


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PostPosted: April 15th, 2004, 12:26 pm 
First off, you're not "asking" for a divorce. You don't need his permission. You're telling him that you no longer want to be married to him.

Obviously you're worried about a violent reaction from your husband when he hears that you want a divorce. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking this question. In a situation like that my advice would be not to talk to him about it at all. If you fear physical harm then you need to get out of the house NOW! If he hits you when he's angry then you need to get out of the house NOW! Do not allow yourself to be abused. Talk to an attorney and let the attorney tell him that you're divorcing him.

Of course, not all divorce situations involve abuse, or any fear or threat of violent actions, so some women might be perfectly safe and comfortable telling their husbands in private and in person that they want a divorce. My wife and I came to the conclusion that we needed to divorce during a calm, quiet conversation at home one evening. Clearly, you do not expect it to go that easily. Clearly you do not feel safe and comfortable having this conversation with your husband, so you will have to take a different approach.

Good luck!


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PostPosted: May 11th, 2004, 5:32 am 
Divorcedman and angelahoy are both right.
Even a man prone to violence is tempered by the presence of another. It isn't simply that that two people are harder to contain, it's because even the most hardened of men have their vanity and to be seen as violent by somebody outside of the relationship shows them as weak. Men don't like being weak. If you think your husband may be one of the few who will STILL be violent, then you shouldn't be the one to tell him you want a divorce. Have him told.
The comment earlier is the biggest though. You dont ask for a divorce. It's not his to give, it's yours to take.


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