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 Post subject: Man's Viewpoint
PostPosted: November 19th, 2003, 3:32 pm 
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Joined: November 19th, 2003, 3:19 pm
Posts: 5
Why is this under "Women's Issues?" I am a divorced father of 3 raising them almost completely on my own. Even though this is a Women's Issue category, may I participate here? I have so many frustrations and questions and can't find anything written for single parent men.


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: November 22nd, 2003, 12:57 pm 
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Joined: November 22nd, 2003, 12:55 pm
Posts: 2
I tend to agree. This is not just a woman's issue.

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 Post subject: Male Perspective
PostPosted: December 13th, 2003, 11:47 pm 
Hello, ladies & gentlemen!

I'm new here, and I was just looking around this site when I found your post. I'm seeking article-length submissions for a start-up magazine that we hope to have on the newsstand in 2004. After Divorce (A.D.) magazine is meant to provide information, entertainment and a sense of community to people across America who have been affected by divorce in any way. Submissions will be required to address the many and varied needs of this readership. I hope to be able to appeal to, and hear from, people like pwhalen. I can be contacted at editors@afterdivorcemagazine.com for further information.

Beth Burton


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 Post subject:
PostPosted: January 8th, 2004, 12:30 pm 
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Joined: January 7th, 2004, 5:15 pm
Posts: 22
Location: Way up North
Does it really matter if you are male or female? Everyone needs a place to vent or be consoled.


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 Post subject: Gender Does Not Matter
PostPosted: January 23rd, 2004, 6:36 am 
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Joined: January 11th, 2004, 11:58 am
Posts: 435
Location: Tennessee
Gentlemen,
Please rest assured that this forum is most definitely not only for women. Women are not always the victims though society would have you think otherwise.
Jump in the discussions, post your own difficulties. We are hear for you whether you are male, female or martian. :)

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 Post subject: Men Get Hurt Too
PostPosted: January 31st, 2004, 12:32 am 
I looked thru the all the topics and couldn't find another place to put this. Sorry but I have to vent a little. Maybe you women will take comfort in knowing that men feel some of the things that you do.

I have been married for 19 years. I do not chase women nor run in bars. I have made my family my whole life. I go to church and I have a good job. I have never hit or pushed around my wife (physically or verbally) and even now I love her very much.

I have a son. My wife worked a lot when he was first born and I developed a bond w/ him that I would put up against any other father's. I changed his first diaper, fed him, held him, and I love him (and tell him) very much.

I look at our marriage and I try to think what I did wrong. My wife is 39 and a lot of people say that her age is part of some change of life thing but I am not sure.

She came to me one day and said that she didn't love me anymore nor was she attracted to me anymore either. She said that I was a good person and a Great father to our son but she needed to be selfish for herself right now. She then told me that I would have to move out or she would.

Now I exit from day to day. When I am lucky I don't feel anything but most of the time it hurts like hell. It has been 3 months and I made it through my first day w/o crying like a baby. I didn't make it through the second.

I try to understand but there doesn't seem to be an answer. How can someone who has a good husband that loves her, a nice house, a wonderful son, works only when she wants to at a job she is happy at....need to be selfish for herself?

In the end I guess it doesn't matter. My life with her is over. Some court will say that my son needs to be with his mother and should visit me once in awhile.

More things that I couldn't possibly convey but some of you know.

I pray that my life can again have meaning and that the hurt I feel can lessen somewhat.

Maybe one of you can pray for me too...


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 Post subject: Reply to ABrokenMan
PostPosted: January 31st, 2004, 8:12 am 
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Joined: January 11th, 2004, 11:58 am
Posts: 435
Location: Tennessee
Hon, I wish I could tell you why things went the way they did. I understand I am a woman but I don't understand why women do what they do (that includes some things I do).
I will offer my shoulder if you should need it; I am a very good listener. I am in a commited relationship but I will still offer what comfort I can.
I will ask you one favor: Never, ever leave your son. You may not live with him or spend every day with him but never be out of his life. It will mean more to him than you can imagine.
Oh yeah, never be ashamed to cry like a baby. We ALL do it whether we admit it or not. You can confide it in me as I won't laugh or hold it against you simply because you are a man. You are human, too.

Hang in there.

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Honesty. Integrity. Simple.
http://writeangle.netfirms.com


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PostPosted: June 7th, 2004, 12:44 pm 
aBrokenMan (and all others) -

I hear your plight. What you're experiencing is the result of a culture gone awry.

We as a society are in big trouble, not only in terms of how we've been taught to treat interpersonal relationships, but also in how our court system has been taught (or rather mandated) to treat our families.

We are no doubt under attack, imploding from within and exploding from the pressure around us.

I currently represent an author who has written a book about a vicious divorce from the father's point of view.

The book isn't meant to demean women, the author loves women and has two daughters, but rather the book is meant to expose the whole charade for what it really is - deliberately engineered social programming that will eventually lead to the dissolution of the American family.

For long the NWO (and this is well-documented) has identified the family as a rival source of loyalty. Without the family and personal relationships in the way the establishment can easily bulldoze their way into our lives for good, creating a living and breathing version of Orwell's 1984.

To join the fight against these infidels, use your freedom to speak your mind, as we are. There are millions standing with you.

-- WakeUp --

www.blindbaseball.com
"Blind Baseball: A Father's War"


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 Post subject: man's view point
PostPosted: June 19th, 2004, 7:16 pm 
I read this post and felt like I was looking in a mirror. I'm a 39 year old woman,who has been married for 19 years and have two children, 13 & 9. Although on paper, it would appear that I have the ideal life - home, cars, financially comfortable - I don't have to work and I can purchase pretty much anything I want, I am miserable.

The problem is that over the years, I lost sight of who I am. I've spent the past 7 years trying to recapture my passion for life that I once had. I went to therapy, took anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, worked out, read every self-help book out there, took up one hobby after another, went back to college, got interesting jobs, all in hopes of filling the gaping hole in my soul.

My husband is a great provider, good father, and a kind person. However, I don't have any affection for him and I'm not attracted to him any more. The sad part is, as I look back over the 19 years of marriage, there had been signs of trouble all along but we both chose to ignore them. My oldest tells me all the time that her dad and I don't really have anything in common, and that we don't seem to really like each other. So much for me trying to keep my unhappiness to myself. The kids saw it before I did.

So, although I don't know your own circumstance, maybe I can shed some light on the mystery of your wife's decision. My therapist tells me that because I got married while just beginning to learn who I am, I am now being "forced" to learn what makes me happy so that I can be my authentic self. If the authentic self is ignored, it will begin to demand attention sooner or later. Authentic selves do not take kindly to being ignored...the longer it's ignored, the louder it demands to be heard. I've tried everything I could think of to "fix" me, but I finally learned that I am not broken. Your wife is probably experiencing something similar. I realize this is long but I hope it helps.


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